Reflecting on my past, i've come to realize that life isn't always a good thing. You are the choices that you make, and the actions that you take, the end result is almost always incontrollably a causality of these moves.
How is it, when one tries to shape one's life, faith has other plans and intervenes slowly but gradually? Ones needs and wants, passions and desires, dreams and fantasies, all for nothing in one swirl of a pen on a notarized piece of paper, all become history for reflection and 'what-if' scenarios.
I live a double life; One is in conformity with social expectations and the collective well-being of the immediate and extended family, and one is struggling to survive in a small corner of my reality. Both are in plain view of the Almighty, both are being evaluated for the end of times, both satisfy my needs, compliment my desires and implement my plans.
I don't look for sympathy, I know that what i'm doing to myself is both immoral and unjust. But i need this double life to keep my sanity in check. I've come to realize that small bites of pleasure are just as pleasant as extravagant meals of extreme indulgence, and i've resolved to appreciate what chances I get for finding these small bites.
You are my fantasy. You are my desire. You complete me and complement me completness, you bring a smile to my face just by being in my thoughts, you enrage my passions for you with every breath you take. You were, you are, you will always be, because you're the one..
"Love is a tower
Of strength to me
I am the shoreline
But you're the sea"
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
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