I don't hate my better half, I hate the fact that she was brough up in a society that is as superficial and egotistic and materialistic as ours is! The result is the price I'm paying just to have a quiet life, and it is very high, very demanding and very emotionally stressful.
I've had some time to think about the situation I'm in, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm either an outcast or mentally unstable...
Living in a society as ours, we tend to conform to certain norms, values & habits that we are 'expected' to follow, and by not following them, we 'rock the boat' and run into lots of colorful and disgusting turns of events. Example? Just try to complete a transactions in the Traffic Dept. with a baseball cap, a t-shirt and a pair of jeans! The creatures there 'expect' a Kuwaiti to look like one, head-dress, dishdasha and all. They are treated differently from the rest of the people, because they 'look' Kuwaiti.
Take social functions: Society 'expects' one to marry into a family of the same bloodline, deviating from this path would bring shame, and those that do become semi-shunned in this society.
Moreover, society 'expects' a couple to be happily married and raise kids, even after an arranged marriage, not realising that these kids are now 'people', with minds and opinions of their own.
Furthermore, some Kuwaiti women now have a 'plan' for the first few years of marriage, and it's got absolutely NOTHING to do with the future of their marriage or their happiness with their husbands!
Let me illustrate: 1)Get married with a big bang, 2)go on an expensive honeymoon, 3)get a maid, 4)throw a reception, 5)get pregnant, 6)give birth in a 5-star private hospital, 7)throw a reception, 8)travel after you give birth for a change of scenery. And if just ONE of these tasks is not delivered, the husband is not a provider, and does not love nor respect his wife!
I thought of this plan for some time, and found it quite honestly, a waste of time. But i've come to realize that 'everybody' is doing it, and the immensity of each plan just gets larger and larger. Everyone wants to be better, more creative, more lucrative, more popular, more and more and more superficial!
Everyone's doing it, and the men, the husbands, are actually conforming to this school of thought, just to please their wives! Sure, they complain about it amongst themselves, or just keep quiet when someone else is describing the same plan, but that's about it. Benign resignation to the fact that our society has become a beacon of the superficial & material world.
I'm not saying that all these things actually happened to me, but It boggles the mind, my mind at least, to think what it would take to be 'happy' for a Kuwaiti wife these days, and what sort of expectations the wife enforces on her husband. All because 'everyone esle is doing it'!?
What's wrong with us?
What happened to the man being a 'provider' as opposed to a 'conformer'? What happened with the 'accomodating wife' as opposed to the 'self-centered' wife? What happened to having a tasty burger on the beach at night, as opposed to a very visible dinner table at a 5-star restaurant? What happened to 'wear anything that makes you feel comfortable' as opposed to 'looking good all the time"?
Is it me, or has everyone gone stir-crazy with materialism? And when you think it's finally over, and that the wife has matured past this point, a younger woman comes along and throws even more silliness into the norm. And it goes on and on, so that by the time you're a parent yourself, you'll have to contend with 20+ years of continuous refinement to the process of 'more bling'!!
The sad part of this is, i foresaw all this, and i threw myself into it with my eyes closed. Am I insane to think like this? Am I uncool because I think candy shouldn't be placed in washrooms? Am I cheap to think baby souvenirs shouldn't be as extravagant as KD10 apiece and filled with designer chocolate? Am i a cheapskate to think that a burger tastes far better than a plate of pasta at Lenotre, where I can actually count the pieces of the pasta i've been served with and get the number right ALL THE TIME? While that may be true for some, deep down inside, I believe (i'd like to believe) that people have some common sense within them, but it's surpressed ever so violently due to the lost souls who have an inferiority complex as large as the Earth they dwell upon.
I threw myself in this situation, and I'm dealing with it with every waking minute. Had I the means to turn back time....Wishful thinking....if only I did have the means!
Why Am I Doing This?
- Alter Ego
- In this life, rarely does an introvert find solice in a friend's ear, be it human, animal or plant. The Internet is my escape, my refuge and my only solice.
3 comments:
this post has driven me to read all your blog. you seem to hint at a mental gab between you and your 'better half' (you never mention the word wife). that with regard to prevous posts..
this post, the trend in kuwait is forced upon all to apply.. trends will grow even more, there is nothing you can do about that for others. but you are your own house's king, so set your rules.. i'm sure they wouldn't be unjust.
I do agree with intlxpatr about the clarity of your post, it's concise & comprehensive.
Yet what triggers me is the title "Calm". Are you really in a calm state of mind now? Have things been clearer to you now than before? Or is it a calm wave preceding a vast tide.
I can't argue with your logic but it seems that you missed the filled half of the glass. How come? Well allow me to elaborate more. Those pre-arranged marriages with superficial materialized foundations are nothing but a result of our rapidly changing society into two layers, which in turn is a result of a changing global. Some may consider the higher class people are fortunate for their lives and tend to envy them, not keeping in mind the obstacles you've mentioned that particular class is gearing more and more towards the superficial life and leading it forward sacrificing the true meaning of living as human beings. The less fortunate layer is looking up to the higher more sophisticated one aiming for nothing but to imitate them and dip a single tip of a finger into that appealing whipped crème, those are only some of them (can't decide whether they are minority or majority) Some are content with their lives and hope to have the chance to elevate to the higher layer.
Both are missing the essence of their lives and not appreciating what they have.
I know I'm not adding anything that you don't already know but most probably not making sense because I'm driven by the impulse of your post.
All the previous is an ideal way to look at things, but the way I choose to go is heck with all of them, I ain't gonna wait till they are ready to change and follow them. No sir, I'll do my part the way I see fit and right. And if I manage to affect a single person then that's my achievement. Swim against the current, fly against gravity, do whatever it makes you feel good about yourself, because at the end of the day its YOU who evaluates your life, as long as your decisions are yours and no matter what are the outcomes, its YOU who tastes the satisfaction of on the tip of you tongue.
P.S.
I don't wanna lecture you or try to offer any kind of help when it comes to your spousal life. I feel that those posts aren't meant to a way for seeking help or opinions. They are just an outlet for your emotions as you pour your mind out with an exhale that fills you with life.
You know, too bad your blog is black cos I ended up having white stripes in my eyes after reading...
Let me just say that this all depends on the people you surround yourself with.. I know that the majority of our culture has bowed down to this life style. But if you prefer a burger on the beach, then by all means HAVE a burger on the beach. Not even your other half should be able to put you down and since it very much sounds like you are negotiating and eventually "providing" (and I am assuming here..) Then you might as well RECIEVE in the end.. Let it be in the form of a BURGER. Give and take is what its all about, no??
What you're saying is really pissing me off. Because I dofeel the same way. People around us push us to do things that we don't believe in and even when you don't actually DO it, they make you feel alienated! I only can feel completly content with who I am when I am away from kuwait for a while. Thinking that NO i am not my car, and I am not my clothes or my bag, and NO children wearing designer clothes to malls and playgrounds are NOT normal..
Hope to read more of yours.
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