Recovery

Towards the end of yesterday afternoon, right after i reached home and almost crashing twice along the way, i had a few bites to eat and collapsed in bed, sleeping for a solid 2 hours before I had to wake up to reality and pursue some social & personal responsibilities.

I went to bed at around 11pm, earlier than usual, still exhausted-physically and mentally-and still yearning for rest. It didnt come immediately, however, as I had to tend to my better half due to her health these days. In short, I was being the caring loving husband everyone expects me to me.

At times I actually do feel the need-and want-to be that caring and loving spouse. At others, I regret ever being in this situation, and in my situation, it's usually the latter case that's more prevalent.

It wasn't a choice I made out of love or desire for anything but my family's happiness. My choice was different; It was based on MY wants and needs, my happiness, my comfort. Thanks' to social expectations and family 'values', if you want to call them that, my choice was forced upon me. I chose wrong, and I'm paying the price for it every day.

I put on a charade every day, with every second I'm with my better half, all for the sake of my family's happiness. Life's biggest adventure, as it's called, is turning out to be life's biggest irony. I've become what I've detested, I'm living what I thought would never be the case, I'm saying what I never thought I'd hear myself say, and I'm doing what I thought I'd never be caught dead doing!

In my most painful, awful and least needed moments in this predicament, I can't help but say to myself that Frost was right;

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."